The Bovine Financial Model
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy..
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
The Apple iPhone
The iPhone is much more than just an ordinary phone. It has a wide range of features and can act as a mobile ‘phone, internet browser, diary, games console and even a digital camera.. By using its touch-sensitive screen, you can just tap a name or number in your contact list if you want to make a call. You can get online, browse the Internet and use Google search to find your nearest restaurant or coffee shop so you never need be lost again. The built-in camera, while not fantastic quality, is more than good enough to grab that shot if you don’t have your camera handy and, because of its fast 3G and Wi-fi wireless connectivity, you can upload images direct to the web or your blog . Its 3.5 inch screen allows you to show off your rich-content like music, video, and TV shows. One of our favourite uses with the built in browser is the ability to keep up to date with all you RSS feeds through Google Reader. You can even make a phone call while emailing or searching the web because of its multi-tasking feature. And, last but not least, is the massive range of apps available for instant download from the Apple app store. Everything from a simple free game to Jamie Oliver’s 20 minute recipes
Travelling to Spain.
Sadly the natural beauty of Spain is tempered by the presence of terrorist groups such as ETA. British nationals are not a target for the Basque separatists, but may be caught up in any attack. Travel insurance will be able to reimburse you for an emergency flight out of Spain should the need arise.
The level of crime in Spain is around the same as in the UK. However the majority of attacks on British Nationals are carried out by other British Nationals. There is a growing scam of bogus police officers stopping tourists and demanding to see wallets as identification. Should you be physically threatened, give them whatever they want then call the local police force and cancel your credit and debit cards. Inform your insurance company and emergency financial relief can be obtained.
Specific Insurances
Spain has many wonderful festivals and activities to enjoy. It is really important though to make sure that before you take part, that you are covered by your travel insurance policy. The Pamplona bull run may be a fantastic spectacle, but if you are in a collision with a ton and a half bull, travel and medical insurance becomes very important indeed. The dangerous sports option in your policy is a definite must-have for many activities in Spain. There is mountaineering, diving, spelunking (caving) and even bungee jumping on offer. Travel insurance does cover some activities, but anything unusual must be mentioned in the policy, lest it is not covered.
There are also many wonderful SCUBA diving sites and jet skis are readily available at most beaches in Spain. Should you feel that these are activities you with to undertake, then make sure that Water sports are included on your travel insurance policy.
Should you find yourself in distress the British consulate is located at :
The British Consulate
Paseo de Recoletos 7-9
4th Floor
28004 Madrid
Telephone: (34) (91) 524 9700
Fax: (34) (91) 524 9730
Office Hours: (local time in Spain is GMT+1hr):
Public Counter: Mon – Fri 08:30 – 13:30
Telephone calls: Mon – Fri 08:00 – 16:00
Emergency assistance
(e.g. arrest, death, rape, hospitalisation)
(00 34) 91 700 8200
Hobbies
This is what Wikipedia has to say about hobbies….
Hobbies are practised for interest and enjoyment, rather than financial reward. Examples include collecting, making, tinkering, photography, sports and adult education. Engaging in a hobby can lead to acquiring substantial skill, knowledge, and experience. However, personal fulfillment is the aim.
What are hobbies for some people are professions for others: a game tester may enjoy cooking as a hobby, while a professional chef might enjoy playing (and helping to debug) computer games. Generally speaking, the person who does something for fun, not remuneration, is called an amateur(or hobbyist), as distinct from a professional.
An important determinant of what is considered a hobby, as distinct from a profession (beyond the lack of remuneration), is probably how easy it is to make a living at the activity. Almost no one can make a living at cigarette card or stamp collecting, but many people find it enjoyable; so it is commonly regarded as a hobby.
So basically, if you do something for fun and not remuneration, it’s a hobby.
Weight Loss Pills. What do they really do?
There are a number of weight loss pills available over-the-counter in the UK and the US. Here are the headlines on three of the most common options, telling you how they are supposed to work, to help you think about whether or not you want to take them!
1. Alli is the over-the-counter version of the GlaxoSmithKline drug, Xencial, which is available on prescription. Alli works on the basis that fat is not digested by the body until it reaches the colon. So Alli/Xenical tries to ensure that any fat rushes through the colon and into the toilet, before it can be digested at all. You can probably work out the key downside already – some people reportedly don’t even make it to the toilet before the tablet works! The product information advises wearing dark trousers and carrying a spare change of clothes. Nice!
2. Appesat is a seaweed extract, which expands in the stomach and is meant to curb appetite. There are two problems with this notion – we generally manage to finish almost every meal before any food reaches the stomach and starts registering fullness. More importantly, people who find themselves eating things that they don’t want to, despite desperately wanting to be slim, are addicted to food. Food addicts have no concept of feeling full and they have a physical ‘need’ for a particular food – driven by Candida, Food Intolerance and Hypoglycaemia. Appetite has very little to do with any of this.
3. Zotrim contains extracts of three herbs: maté, guarana and damiana. The product leaflet says that guarana contains caffeine, but so does maté (along with other stimulants). Guarana contains approximately twice as much caffeine as coffee beans. Damiana, interestingly, is better known as an aphrodisiac! Hence Zotrim would appear to be trying to work on the basis of making the consumer hyper active, sexy and jittery! Caffeine stimulates the production of insulin and this will lower your blood sugar and make you vulnerable to food cravings. Not an ideal outcome!
The tragedy is that people are so desperate to lose weight that they would even consider taking any of these. The only way to lose weight is to work with your body – never as violently against it as some of these products entail.
Windturbine nonsense
Let me start by saying that I’m all for reducing carbon emissions and our demand on the Earths’ limited resources. I recycle whatever I can, travel as little as possible and, wherever possible, buy local produce to reduce carbon miles.
There’s one thing though that just drives me nuts and that is this whole windturbine nonsense. Put aside the fact that they are destroying some of the most beautiful parts of the UK with wind farms; they just don’t make economic sense. There are over 2000 of them in the UK now and they contribute less than 1% of the country’s demand at a cost per megawatt double that for coal, gas or nuclear generated electricity.
The UK Government, and many other equally short sighted European ones, say that these windturbines will account for as much as 32% of the total demand by 2020. This means that two windturbines will have to be comissioned every single day between now and then – Current build rate is apparently less than one per week during good weather months.
There’s some green agenda political correctless gone mad and Governments across the world need to stand up straight and show some leadership here, now, before it’s too late. People must wake up and realise that nuclear power does NOT equal nuclear weapons.
If I had to make a choice, I’d rather a nuclear power station on my doorstep to a 10,000 windturbine wind farm anyday.
Dim future for the 100w lightbulb
The electric light bulb that we’ve all grown to love was invented by Thomas Alva Edison and patented in 1879. Since its invention, the electric light bulb has become one of the everyday convenience that affects our daily lives.
Today, the European Union is banning it’s import and manufacture as part of its strategy to reduce energy consumption and, hence, carbon emissions.
In its place comes the high-efficiency bulbs as a direct plug in option. They no doubt are far more efficient than Edison’s incandescent bulbs but they bring their own problems. The use of mercury in their linings makes their disposal an issue and they still have technical shortcomings in terms of light output levels, warm-up times and, some claim, high frequency flicker issues that can trigger epileptic fits and migranes.
Sure, we need to reduce energy consumption but we also need robust strategies for replacement technologies and power generation (UK government in particular).
The Vendor-Client Relationship
Out thinking the Police
Police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange;
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got done for my 5th time Drink,Driving.
Officer: May I see the owner’s certificate for this car?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s certificate in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and then I stuffed her in the car’s boot.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the car’s boot?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Inspector. The car was quickly surrounded by armed police, and the Inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Inspector: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration certificate.
Inspector: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Inspector: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Inspector: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the cars boot.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
Internet sales continue to grow
A recent report by IMRG Capgemini e-Retail Sales Index showed that online sales in the UK for the first six months of 2009 stood at £22.9 billion with June09 showing a 12% increase over May09.
Whereas high street retail sales have only had a positive growth in one month in 2009, online sales have shown an average 14% year on year growth.
Key sectors showing the most growth were clothing accessories and footwear with 63% and 25% year on year growth respectively and the health and beauty sector also experienced a 31% change over the same period.
Although overall sales have increased, individual website conversion rates continues to drop. This sugegsts that online shoppers are being far more selective in their purchasing and browsing more for the best prices. website conversion rates have declined from 7-8% in 2007, to 5-6% in 2008 and to the current 4-5% in 2009.
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